Yat Long Sze!

It’s your birthday Yat Long Sze. (Also known as: 施日朗, Sze Yat Long, Alvin Sze)
This card demonstrates my true friendship and intellect towards you.

See, you, my friend, are a very special person. At times you are crazy, insane; severely unwell. Other times you are annoying, toxic, and outright express hatred. Yet, as proven by this super-duper thoughtful card, I still value you as a true friend, even though you may not treat me as one.

The origins of Yat Long Sze

On the seventeenth day of January, 2007, a certain individual in Hong Kong (let’s call her Pik Wa Yu) underwent the grueling circumstances of childbirth. But we can trace back even further. You see, Yat Long, the laws of procreation allow us to estimate that the most probable time that Pik Wa Yu and her lover (let’s call him Sze Tin Chu) were, you know, procreating, was between April 24 and April 28, 2006. What major events could have been happening during that time? That’s the thing: nothing much. It’s likely that Tin and Pik have been frequently…procreating repeatedly for a while and it just happened that the sperm reached the egg towards the end of April. Anyways, I know you must be annoyed by talking about such a truthful topic so let’s talk about your fortunes.

The fortunes of Yat Long Sze

As we all know you live in a large single-family abode in the richest suburb of Oregon (Happy Valley). You could make the argument that your postal address says “Clackamas” (which is still, pretty wealthy), however you’re essentially on the border and everything you do is in Happy Valley (such as Happy Valley Library).

Anyways, this is a good transition to talk about the school you attend, Clackamas High School. It is essential to note that the school is a part of the North Clackamas School District, as this lenient district closed schools today due to “freezing rain” 🤓. (How lucky to have school closed on your birthday, oh man.) Clackamas High School, even though you refuse to admit, is one of the best public schools I’ve seen. It is practically a private school that’s thrown on a “public school” label. iMacs, workstations with RTX 3070s, modern architecture, stunning infrastructure, huge windows and natural lighting, and even things typically found in university campuses like an à la carte and a cafe. You are truly lucky to go to Clackamas High School. We can also talk days about your various residences throughout the world, or the expensive assets owned by your relatives. However, doing so would lengthen this card indefinitely, so let’s talk about how we got here.

The dark past of Yat Long Sze

Wow, what a scary topic. It is true. Your past was very dark–but only in your mind. I view your past as something you should reflect on today. Whenever I mentioned your past self, you always reacted with disgust and said I was being “toxic”, but let the truth be told, I was only trying to help you.

You see, just a few years ago, you had a very innocent, humble, and fun personality. For example:

These were words of encouragement that made you a likeable and cool person to be around. But let’s see what these words of motivation and optimism have morphed into today, a year away from adulthood:

As Canadian expert Tommy Y. Shen has to put it, he has “noticed a concerning development in your attitude”. For the last image, Tommy adds,

This conversation illustrates a lack of gratitude towards gifts that the individual’s friends attempt to provide for them, further exemplifying the idea of concerning recent developments in the individual’s personalities.

But it’s not too late. A new age, a new you (hopefully), and maybe a new year for the adapt.chat domain.
(Please renew the domain it’s about to expire.)

Anyways, what are the takeaways? Well, this section is all about self-reflection. You see how toxic you’ve become, and it’s always nice to see a comparison so you can improve in the future. I look forward to a kind and enthusiastic Alvin in the future.

The domains of Yat Long Sze

Why haven’t you renewed adapt.chat yet? Is it because of hatred? You waived the domain, you’ve gotta stick to it. Anyways this section isn’t about adapt.chat, it’s about alvinsze.com. I know you get very annoyed when people laugh at the domain, but it’s frankly too funny to be true. I mean, you’ve been joking about how my email is just my full name, but now you are paying money for a domain that is your full name. Not to mention that your name is just inherently super funny (compliment). If someone said “Alvin Sze” in public, at least one person would crack up!

'alvin_sze (The lifetime of Yat Long Sze)

Let’s get an inevitable truth out of the way: 'me: 'alvin_sze. You eat ice cream every day, live each day with toxic energy, but most of all, you are turning 17 (jeez, old). That is one year away from being adult, which is when you can do your nightly habit of going on certain explicit sites without breaking rules.

But worry not. I will be at your funeral and deliver a motivational speech; an intellectual and thoughtful speech like what I have spent putting in this very card.

The self-proclaimed “intellect” of Yat Long Sze

You always say you have intellect. Is that true? There is a stark difference between the terms intellect and nerd, and I would say a nerd describes you best. You see, a nerd is defined as:

nerd (n.) a person who is extremely enthusiastic and knowledgeable about a particular subject, especially one of specialist or niche interest.

On the contrary, an intellect is defined as:

intellect (n.) a person possessing a highly developed faculty of reasoning and understanding objectively, especially with regard to abstract or academic matters.

You seem to be very passionate and enthusastic about networking and accounting, which makes you a good fit for a nerd.

However, in Tom’s words,

I request immediate progress be made in the subject of calculus, as thou art lackin’, as one may say.

Your lack of knowledge in calculus and other common-sense subjects makes you a poor fit for an intellect, as they are what contribute to strong reasoning and logical skills.

Tom’s world

You’re probably thinking, where is Tom’s card? Well, I asked Tom to compile birthday wishes for you and this is what he had to say:

Tommy Y. Shen: sze.yearsLeftToLive -= 1;

Now, there are many things you and I can tell is wrong with Tommy’s message. Primarily, Tom’s use of camelCase is a scary indication of Java, which is not surprising as it is in fact what Tom has been fiddling around with recently. What can you say, Tom is Java lover. You probably are one too though, like who else would self-study AP CSA like lol.

Here is Tom’s real birthday wishes:

Dear Alvin Sze,

I wish happy birthday to your body and spirit located within Clackamas, OR, whom once originated from Hong Kong. Another fateful year has flied by, and thou art advancing thy yearly tally. It is a good time to reflect on your growth and past actions. Over the years I have known you, I have noticed a concerning development in your atitude. “jay pro as always :rooClap:” (Sze 2021) is what your younger self once said. Sadly, that persona of yours has vanished into the void, revealing a much more hostile nature hidden beneath. No longer the once naive “cryptex2233”.. One can perhaps attribute that to the influence of certain individuals and/or substances. Anyways, I strongly provide advisory to reflect upon your gentleness of the past, and how that has changed into the aggressive nature of yourself now. Another year, another opportunity for change, improvement and prosperity. Wellness is wished upon thee in advance.

The end of Yat Long Sze…‘s birthday card

This card was written by your true friend Jaysen, with contributions from Tommy Shen.